In the 1980's I got stuck in a cramped car driving from Kiev out to see Chernobyl. It was hot and just crazy - half a dozen folks in a bicycle built for two. My hosts were partly academic types and partly political types from the Ministry of Health. The scientists were very nervous about the trip. So where the political types who knew what the scientists knew but would never ever admit to it.
We got to the first warning barrier complete with guards and the need for "papers please". My passport is, of course, at the hotel and my friends produced their official papers but we were asked to get out of the car until our official visit could be confirmed. It was irritating to a point and I noted the irony of me being the only non-local present who didn't have papers to present and was not "questioned as to why I was there". The Ukraine and Russian folks were embarrassed because this "papers please" stuff was an indignity - think Arizona and former Gov. Brewer.When finally allowed back in the car we just waited and waited for something - I don't know what. Not keeping my mouth shut and having reached the tip-top of my limits of uncomfortableness, I let fly with a Soviet joke.
Marx, Lenin, Stalin and Gorbachev were on a train - sitting in proletariat splendor - but noticing that hours were passing and the train was still in the station...not moving an inch. Marx leaped to his feet and said that he would go have a talk with the conductor and get things going. He came back a bit later and said, "All fixed. We will be moving in just a minute". What did you say to him? "I reminded him of the worker's paradise he toiled in and his responsibility to his fellow passengers to move the train". Aha.
An hour later the train was still where it was. Lenin said he would go and talk to him which he did. On his return, Lenin explained that the passengers were growing restless with the lack of movement and it would be wise for him to get a move on or there could be trouble". Hours passed and the train still was where it was.
Gorbachev made the move and was gone for what seemed days. He returned with a broad smile and reported that the conductor promised to move the train if "he would only stop talking". But, like the results of the others, the train stayed put.
Stalin, now visibly angry, gruffly announced "my turn" and went to give it a try. He returned to his seat just in time as the train nearly leaped from the tracks and was in high gear in seconds. The others were stunned at the success and at their own failures. Papa Joe?, asked Gorbachev, how did you succeed when we, the greatest leaders and philosophers of communist thought, have failed?
Joe just smile and said, "The solution was obvious. I just shot the conductor - his assistant obviously understood".
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