Long time back, in junior high school in fact, I got to conduct the school band at our spring concert. It was in eighth grade and the piece was an arrangement of "On the Steppes of Central Asia" by Borodin. After that my fate was cast and for as long as I did it, the pleasure of conducting was like no other. I had the honor of conducting a youth orchestra in central Kentucky of all places for half a dozen years that was super and we rehearsed Saturday mornings 9-noon. It was the love of my life. I was awake at 5 in anticipation. Later on, days of professional orchestra concerts were drags because I simply couldn't wait for the performance. With all that, however, came angst and for me in the form of a recurring dream. It is always the same and I've had it for nearly half a century. I did last night.
We arrive (the orchestra and I) late. The bus is late or we can't get in. We have to set up the stage, warm up etc., and the audience is already in place. We are past curtain time and there is a great deal to do..chaos ensues. That is bad enough but it gets worse when we are finally all ready and the music in the folders isn't right. Some in the orchestra have no music and the rest have a mixture. I wake up when I'm going through the list of music on the program and only a few players have parts and no one has every one.
I call it my empty music stand dream. I'm pretty sure it doesn't sound like much to anyone else but it carries with it a sense of absolute panic; an anxiety attack of the first magnitude. I'll be fine by 8am but what a way to wake up.
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